Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: World of Light
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room looking excited) G-man (Excitedly): I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! It’s time! It’s finally time! I get to review Super Smash Bros. Ultimate! (The main theme starts as clips of the game begin to play) G-man (V.O calmly): Ever since its first appearance at Nintendo Direct, everyone lost their minds, and again when they learned that everyone, literally everyone in Smash history, was playable! Well, (Cut to a picture of Waluigi) almost. (Cut back to the montage) Many fans wanted an adventure mode like in Brawl with the Subspace Emissary, and during the final Direct, Masahiro Sakurai, the director of the game, revealed that, yes, an adventure mode called World of Light will be present! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Well, I won’t keep you waiting any longer! This is Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: World of Light! (Cut to the opening cutscene) G-man (V.O): So, we open with everyone on the edge of a cliff resembling the one at the end of the Subspace Emissary about to fight a hoard of Master Hands lead by this strange creature of light called Galeem. Marth: We’ll each need to take down about ten. Zelda: Stow your fear. It’s now or never! Pit: We’ll win this. I know we will! (Cut to a close-up of one of the Master Hands. It slowly shreds away. Revealing light. Cut back to the G-man looking worried) G-man: Uh… What’s going on? (Cut back to the game where a montage of Smash characters gets consumed by beams of light. Cut back to the G-man looking completely shocked) What the fuck?! You’re just gonna start this off killing everyone?! Well, almost everyone, Kirby is still alive… But that’s besides the point! Point is, this opening is, while epic, extremely depressing! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, Kirby is the only survivor of Galeem’s attack, so its up to him to save the other Smashers. I know what you’re thinking: What happened to the others? Well, they’re now imprisoned with false copies of them controlled by Galeem. And thus, the ultimate adventure begins… (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wow. that’s A LOT to take in during someone’s first time playing this. And you know what? I need to share this epic journey with someone. I’ll be right back… (The G-man gets up and walks out of his room. Cut to outside the G-man’s house where he’s looking around) G-man: Hey, does anyone want to review this game with me? Man (From off-camera): I do! G-man (Sighing): Does anyone besides Robert want to review it? ??? (From off-camera): I will. (Cut to a lower shot of someone. The camera quickly pans up to reveal that it’s the Angry Video Game Nerd) AVGN: Let’s do this, motherfucker. G-man: Oh, hell no! (He walks up to him) Do you really expect me to review something with you again after you blew my ass up with a C4?! AVGN: Well, then how the hell did you survive?! G-man: Hey, you should see my health insurance! AVGN (Sighing): Whatever, let’s just do this. (Cut to the duo on a couch in the G-man’s living room. This is where they spend the rest of the review) AVGN: So, what are we playing? G-man: Super Smash Bros. Ultimate where apparently, everyone but Kirby died. AVGN: Jeez! What were those bastards at Nintendo thinking?! (Cut to a sketch with the G-man acting as an employee, and the AVGN acting as his boss. They’re sitting next to each other at then end of a large table) AVGN: Alright, the plot will be that everyone besides Kirby dies, and it’s up to him to save everyone. G-man (As he’s raising his hand): Yeah, about that description… (The AVGN gives the G-man a dirty look as he pulls out an NES Zapper. He fires it at him. Making him fall over out of his chair) AVGN: Anyone else have anything to say? (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): So, this is basically what the game is about. You go around the world saving the fighters. And our first opponent, of course, is Mario. AVGN (V.O): Each fighter will have a certain condition that will make the battle slightly harder than a normal Smash fight. In this case, Mario will occasionally turn to metal. Making him stronger, but will also make him heavier. (Kirby defeats Mario, but it doesn’t make him playable. Cut back to the duo looking confused) AVGN: The hell? Why didn’t we unlock Mario? G-man: Well, maybe he gets unlocked later on. AVGN: Well, if that’s the case, why would they pick him as first one you fight if they’re not giving him to you?! It doesn’t make sense! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Our next opponents are three different-colored Yoshis, and after that, its the Pokémon, Jigglypuff. (Kirby encounters the statue of Mario) Oh, I get it! (Cut back to the duo) AVGN: Get what? G-man: We DO get to unlock the fighters, but it’ll be in a battle between us, and the Galeem puppet! AVGN: Well, then what the hell was the point of going through that other Mario?! G-man (Shrugging): Cheese. (Cut to a picture of cheese with captions above and below it) Upper Caption: Cheese! Lower Caption: It’s as good as any other answer! (Cut back to the game) AVGN (V.O): After saving the real Mario, we fight a fake… R.O.B?! G-man (V.O): What’s your beef with R.O.B? AVGN (V.O): What, you haven’t seen the news about the time my R.O.B destroyed half of Chicago? G-man (V.O): Moving on… Throughout the game, there are crossways with different fights. In this case, we either choose to save Marth from Fire Emblem, the Villager from Animal Crossing, or- AVGN (V.O): The Villager from Animal Crossing? What, is his special attack catching butterflies and paying off Toom Nook’s debt? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Dude, if you have problems with this game, why did you want to review it with me? AVGN: If this really is the "Ultimate" Smash game, why are people like the Villager and the Trainer from Wii Fit here? G-man: It was probably suggested by the same guy who thought it was a good idea to let a Piranha Plant become DLC! (Cut back to the game) AVGN (V.O): As we stated before, this is basically the majority of gameplay. You go around fighting fake copies and possessed Smashers, and you even solve a few puzzles and fight bosses. We really don’t want the whole review to be about normal fighting, so we’ll just skip to the interesting stuff. (Cut to a cutscene where an evil-looking being pulls its way out of a portal. Cut back to the duo with the G-man screaming and hugging the AVGN in fear. In frustration, he pulls him off) AVGN: Get the fuck off me! Yes, it’s terrifying, but it’s one of the villains! What did you expect? (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Okay, so this nightmare-inducing monstrosity is called Dharkon; the embodiment of chaos and darkness. Near the end of the game during their fight, we can choose who to fight. No matter if you choose to fight Galeem or Dharkon, you’ll get a bad ending. The only way to get the good/true ending is fight them both at the same time. After we do so, not only do you get a satisfying cutscene and the credits, you’ll get this amazing song called Lifelight: Female singer (V.O singing): Colors weave into a spire of flame. Distant sparks call to a past still unnamed. Bear this torch against the cold of the night. Search your soul and reawaken the undying light! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: And that was World of-! AVGN: Hold up! That’s it? This review was so short! G-man: Yeah, well so are the cutscenes! Let’s do comparison: (Cut to a montage of cutscenes from the Subspace Emissary) G-man (V.O): If you look on YouTube, there many compilations of cutscenes from the Brawl Adventure Mode: The Subspace Emissary. It’s over 44 minutes long, and the compilation of every cutscene World of Light is almost 15 minutes. AVGN (V.O): What?! This had less effort in the cutscenes?! BULLSHIT! (Cut back to the duo) AVGN: This mode sucks! The Brawl cutscenes were more memorable, and way more interactive, while World of Light is just shit! Don’t get me wrong, I love this game, but I doubt people love this fucking game mode! G-man: Jeez! Excuse me for asking for someone to review it! But at least we can agree on one thing: AVGN: What’s that? G-man: Lifelight is epic as hell! AVGN: Damn straight! (He fist-bumps the G-man) Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a shitty game with my name on it. (He gets up and leaves. Leaving the G-man with one question) G-man: Who the hell writes their names on game cartridges?! (He sighs) Anyway, I apologize if this episode was too short. It’s because there were too many things to cover. Well, I am the G-man, and- (He realizes something and gets excited) Wait! Next time is my 50th episode! What the hell should I review? Let’s see… Next time is number fifty, there were two of us… (From offscreen, someone, presumably the AVGN, throws an NES case at the G-man cut to the box’s cover where it reads that its for Action 52) G-man (Sighing): I guess this is what I’m doing… Well, I am the G-man, that’s all you need to know about that, and tune in next time for my 50th episode: Action 52! Peace! Category:Episode